Tales in Texts

Yesterday I left my cell phone at home and for everyone that has ever done this, you instantly realize how dependant you are on technology.  It is pretty sad.  However that is not what this post is about.  After making a Facebook post regarding my forgetfulness with my phone.  My friend Bryan Licata decided that he would send me a plethora of text messages for me to come back to.  Below is the conversation that occurred

 

Bryan: Watched American Pie Reunion last night.  Was pretty funny.  I hope that is how our 13th year at Fools Fest is.

Bryan: Except Stifler keeps trying to hook up with 17/18 year olds.  Which is weird.  I don’t want to see Lucas do that

Bryan: I say 17/18 because she had a birthday in the film.  Not a Spoiler

Bryan: Speaking of birthdays, I had a lot of fun at your 90’s party

Bryan: You are a swoll gentleman who knows how to throw a fun birthday bash.

Bryan: See what I did there?  Said “swoll” not “swell”.  Double compliment

Bryan: Cause of the party part AND acknowledging that you are dedicated to the mission of keeping muscles of the glamorous variety.

Bryan: Mission accomplished. Ok enough nice texts I'm digressing

Bryan: One small criticism about the party though. Because what would life be without criticism?

Bryan: A LIFE WITHOUT WOMEN! Ha!

Bryan: PMS was only created so that women can justify 25% of the bitching they do on a monthly basis (25% meaning 1 week based upon a 4 week month).

Bryan: Wait...if I have a criticism does that make me a woman? If that's true...CLOVER HAS SOME COMPETITION. I'M GONNA COME AT YOU SEXY BOY.

Bryan: It's kind of like that Aerosmith song, Dude looks like a lady. Except instead of looking it's criticizing

Bryan: There were a group of girls downstairs who I believe did not properly research the era in question prior to the party. Allow me to share an example:

Bryan: I came downstairs and started singing the Babysitters Club theme song. A classic tune from the 90s which presumably every woman would know (or so I thought)

Bryan: Much to my surprise I received nothing but blank stares. No joyous background singers. No excitement that someone of the male sex knew the quintessential 90s girl anthem. NOTHING!!!!

Bryan: "All you need is your friends..." followed by silence. No, not silence, because millions of women were silently weeping in their graves because kids these days don't know the classics.

Bryan: I admit I didn't say anything out of fear. I just kept singing and got myself a Kool-Aid Burst from the fridge (I couldn't drink in the 90s and these are what I enjoyed...I actually immersed myself in the party theme)

Bryan: What was I supposed to do? Go on a rant and yell at everyone for not knowing the song? Hell no!

Bryan: All 10-12 ladies would have transformed into the Powerpuff Girls in the name of "keeping it 90s" and.dropped some form of a massive Estrogen Nuclear Bomb on me.

Bryan: Though maybe I was being selfish because 4 of each Powerpuff Girl is exactly what the party needed...NOT!!!

Bryan: See what I did there? Another 90s reference and joke (the NOT part that is).

 

Bryan: Speaking of TV, did you know Anthony Hopkins starred in a British version of War and Peace?

Bryan: I'm learning a lot on Wikipedia today

Bryan: I had a fake uncle who was obsessed with Anthony Hopkins. I say fake because he wasn't blood related just good family friend relates

Bryan: Kind of like Joey Gladstone from Fullhouse

Bryan: Cept he wasn't funny. He was crazy though

Bryan: He loved Silence of the Lambs. Which I never understood since I couldn't watch R rated movies until I was much older

Bryan: Being an annoying kid I constantly bothered him about what it was and to show it to me

Bryan: One time he put on a puppet show for me called "Silence of the Lambs"

Bryan: It was just Lambchop from Lambchop's Sing-a-long starring in a 1 woman (is it considered a woman??) show

Bryan: But it was just her miming a lot, not speaking. Didn't realize until years later it was all a pun of the movie name

Bryan: He got me good

Bryan: I feel like you have your phone but are just ignoring me

Bryan: That's OK. I had a friend ignore me once for 2 days

Bryan: Was some real cold shouldering. When I called he would just hang up on me. I would just keep talking though

Bryan: Until the BEEP, BEEP, BEEP anyways

Bryan: You know what Ryan? I feel like I could tell you anything

Me: I Love You