01-31-11 I have your facebook profile set to my homepage.
01-30-11 If you never talked with your mouth full of food, you'd never talk.
01-29-11 The best universe is the one where Christopher Walken played Jackie Chan's part in Rush Hour.
01-28-11 My fault, I am sure your dad is great, I just do not like programmers.
01-27-11 Is there any version of dried fruit that is better than the natural and ripe version.
01-26-11 I could probably have a humorous, yet appropriate for the work place sentence of the day as well.
01-25-11 Is the greatest bunter-ever in the hall of fame?
01-24-11 Frozen soda is everywhere, Tarantino it: I shook a can of frozen soda.
01-23-11 No officer, I have not been drinking, I bathe in Martinis in my car.
01-22-11 Every day I've been doing one hour testicle soaks in Mountain Dew, since I heard about its semen killing ability.
01-21-11 There should be a funny name for that time when you and your friends are partying, but it transitions into a bunch of people trying to top the previous youtube video selection.
01-20-11 My office secret santa did not get me a gift, so I looked at the list on someone else's computer, then threw out her lunch and cheesecake, Merry Christmas Bozo.
01-19-11 It's off the beaten path, but there is an adult section on ebay.
01-18-11 I thought Gmail was for gangsters!
01-17-11 Lets drive until the waters warm.
01-16-11 The best way to make the work day float by is to drink just enough coffee to be awake, but not enough coffee to be productive.
01-15-11 A guy came for interview today wearing all black, which really highlighted his pale skin and ginger hair.
01-14-11 An inquiring co-worker wanted to know what I did for fun, I told them I enjoyed very complex cinematography, and as an example I stated, Dinner for Schmucks changed my life.
01-13-11 I download movies, mp3's, games, and applications, however I always get the expressed written consent of Major League Baseball before taping Derek Jeter as he changes the world one breath at a time.
01-12-11 That store bought Guac's only got 2% avocados in it!
01-11-11 I keep a tally of how many times I almost introduce myself at work as Sonny.
01-10-11 Is there a greater feeling than eight hours of sleep?
01-09-11 In a hotdog eating contest, I could probably eat 4-6 hotdogs.
01-08-11 Next time I see someone layout, I am going to say, "He ate dirt like a Camache tracker"
01-07-11 I only use triple-ply.
01-06-11 Bozo, and jackwagon, are timeless insults.
01-05-11 Dunk your milano cookies in coffee for one second, email me your experience to 12to6curve (at) Gangster-mail.com
01-04-11 The talent show at the Darfur Relocation center is mostly renditions of Fugees' songs.
01-03-11 French onion soup without the soup is cheese and croutons, and that is still delicious.
01-02-11 I bought some canned pea soup and broccoli from KeyFood, so I had an excuse to order burritos.
01-01-11 Every time I hear a subway rumbling into the station, I think a nuclear bomb went off in Manhattan, then I remember it would kill me before I could hear it, so now every time I do not hear a nuclear bomb go off in Manhattan, I think a nuclear bomb went off in Manhattan.