December's Daily Dose of Rants

12-31-11  I couldn't make it through the first sentence of the wiki article on chromium.

12-30-11  I gotta get my name changed and throw some umlaut's on that bitch.

12-29-11  Salsas centered around fruit are trying too hard.

12-28-11  Fresh or stale popcorn has the same texture.

12-27-11  William Tell shot the apple, or had the apple shot off him, whatever the case, the other guy deserves credit.

12-26-11  Melky Cabrera approach to women; swing at everything and constantly put on weight.

12-25-11  Ryan West has never met an S he "could" pronounce.

12-24-11  How many USMNT soccer players does it take to screw in a light bulb, two, one to buy it, and Jonathan Bornstein to screw it up.

12-23-11  I just pumped my fist off of my wrist.

12-22-11  I am going to en the world in 2012.

12-21-11  Mature enough to think about buying a house, but not mature enough to stop writing letters to Nabisco encouraging them to make a bigger oreo.

12-20-11  Mormon-Mexican = Utaco

12-19-11  Steamed foods are healthier, I'd like to welcome back to my life the Orange Hostess Cupcake.

12-18-11  2012's resolution is the same as every years: clap the loudest at funerals.

12-17-11  All the NYK need to reach their potential is panic.

12-16-11  The most important thing about The Wire is the Orlando case.

12-15-11  Carmen Sandiego was the world's most successful terrorist.

12-14-11  People worry about a cure for HIV, when the CDC has not gotten through mono yet.

12-13-11  Cat food for my real friends, real food for my cat friends.

12-12-11  Was on time every day this week for work, but also, forgot my shift got pushed back by one hour.

12-11-11  Teach Me How to Douglas, Teach Me How to Tony Douglas

12-10-11  HOOF

12-09-11  I cried when Mufasa died, I wanted to touch his paw.

12-08-11  For people that live the christian life, I do not have much to say, but they choose to live their lives within the borders of religious rules; I only live by one rule: steal as much money from your friends as possible.

12-07-11  I deleted all the tagged photos of me on facebook where I do not look incredibly handsome.

12-06-11  My bathroom mirror is like the closets in The Chronicles of Narnia, whereas the closet was an entry point to a magical world, the mirror is an entry point to bandaids.

12-05-11  I am so ready to fight, I have been practicing for literally minutes.

12-04-11  Naps are great, back-to-back naps are heaven on earth.

12-03-11  Everyone laughed when I was sucking on a candycane, but they were not laughing when I threatened them with my tounge wittled weapon.

12-02-11  More Gasol's, more scruff.

12-01-11  The beautiful autumn beards of movember have fallen, its that time of year, eggnog challenge.