February's Daily Dose of Rants

02-28-11   I bought juice, only to find out I had to buy a cup, they saw me coming.

02-27-11   You are pretty creepy if you own tongue depressers in bulk, and are not a doctor.

02-26-11   If I had a digital camera, I would sepia-ize all my photos, and you would deal with it.

02-25-11   I want a Chaco Taco prepared for me hibachi style.

02-24-11   It's nice to think that Jay-Z has all this money, but he wastes his time watching a waste of a time basketball time in the most meaningless state in the US.

02-23-11   Poptarts and coasters are interchangeable.

02-22-11   Nap-letes.

02-21-11   Neither the Bronx or Manhattan needs to defines itself; looking at you Staten ISLAND.

02-20-11   I would rather eat tater tots all night, then drink beer, but I've yet found a bar that will sell me a pitcher of tator tots.

02-19-11   This man's beard had caught goldfish like a net plundering the sea.

02-18-11   Spellcheck is not a word, yet it appears in my word processor.

02-17-11   There is no constitutional law against paying your taxes in corn.

02-16-11   The subtitles in LOTR annoy me, I want the elvish words that are exchanged to forever be up to debate.

02-15-11   I got to say assuage with a sausage today!

02-14-11   Gallo, what happens!? http://on.nba.com/fB3x6l

02-13-11   Anyone find out about radiohead through the film clueless?

02-12-11   It must be hard to actually sell a bridge.

02-11-11   Being Santa for Christmas means a B&E, down the chimney, eat'n yo cookie!

02-10-11   You could make millions if you could record the special sound a doorbell makes while waiting for a pizza delivery.

02-09-11   How much hard candy would you have to bring to a party of drunk underage college kids in order to get them excited, I'd say 20,000 Werthers.

02-08-11   Saw an emotionless girl sledding, just going up and down without a hint of joy.

02-07-11   Just won a "Short story told over the phone at my convenience" on ebay for 99 cents!

02-06-11   If all my knowledge came from late night infomercials, I would think the Grand Canyon was protected by hoards of hoveround motorists.

02-05-11   Blimps - women love non-rigid aircraft.

02-04-11   This part of the site and my preference of Radiohead album are both organized by month (depending on the groundhog we could be looking at an early The Bends season).

02-03-11   If I had one sentence to go back in time and have JFK read it would be, "Duck."

02-02-11   As a practical joke hide fingernail clippings in your friend's grated cheese.

02-01-11   The only way I know to stop eating yogurt covered raisins, is when I am out of yogurt covered raisins.