July's Daily Dose of Rants

07-31-11   In any HR meeting the first person to mention racism wins.

07-30-11   My fantasy team includes many porn stars, and only a couple of linebackers.

07-29-11   At my funeral I want my eulogy to start with, "Although he was a robot."

07-28-11   I am in a recliner in a candlelit room, so anything's possible.

07-27-11   I am charitable, I always give my unsolicted two cents.

07-26-11   I would like to open up a restaurant where you can order the Pizza (comes with jalapenos) or the Idiot Pizza.

07-25-11   If you walk into a bar with a sign that says, "NO WHITCHCRAFT," then you are in a grammar bar!

07-24-11   If I had the force, a lot of air-conditioners would be falling out of windows.

07-23-11   My facial hair goes from clean shaven to trash-stache to given up for real.

07-22-11   Bookmarks made of fruit, that ripen at the exact time you finish a book!

07-21-11   Celebratory skyward gun shots should come back in vogue.

07-20-11   Rollos are like gum, but disgusting and you cannot spit it out.

07-19-11   Babies will just give their candy away, if it's shitty candy.

07-18-11   Not quite time to pack on the delicious winter weight.

07-17-11   .Period at the front of a sentence means you incomplete me

07-16-11   If you eat enough ice cream, it can be dinner.

07-15-11   I love Chilli Cheese Waffle Fries with Bacon.

07-14-11   Google maps tell me there are several Dr. Pepper's.

07-13-11   Game of Thrones: Winter is Coming.

07-12-11   Why so many abandoned construction vehicles?

07-11-11   I wonder what kind of shark ate Osama.

07-10-11   IIf you're being a puss, I am not going to talk to you until you have an Ice Coffee.

07-09-11   To get more birthdays, set your calendars to dog years.

07-08-11   If you told someone they looked like Xerxes, and they did not, it's still a good insult.

07-07-11   50% chance of corduroy weather next week.

07-06-11   At the produce convention, I spouted about sprouts.

07-05-11   How many people die before the editor in chief of a newspaper becomes president?

07-04-11   What is the accepted diameter of a stain, before you cannot wear a shirt to work.

07-03-11   I ate $25 worth of lobster, which is very little lobster.

07-02-11   I wonder how the recession is treating the clip art industry?

07-01-11   Explaining gaps of employment with, "I was lost at sea" is excellent.