September's Daily Dose of Rants

09-30-11  Are Chinese Fire drills run the same out there as they are here?

09-29-11  I'm excited about dentures, because in the future, I bet dentures get really advanced.

09-28-11  It was the most delightful doughnut; sprinkles, jelly, as well as boston creme!

09-27-11  I just tried soap for the first time, this stuff is really good.

09-26-11  You ever find sweatshop blood on your socks?

09-25-11  Guac on the shirt, eat the shirt.

09-24-11  I have a talent ruining the resealable part of ziplock bags.

09-23-11  It's taken more teenagers' lives than Adam's Song.

09-22-11  Being miserable is tougher, cooler.

09-21-11  Words, words and a period.

09-20-11  To catch a raccoon you need a pillowcase and a rabies shot.

09-19-11  I've never heard anyone say they hate these sentences, but I know some people do, the improper punctuation, the lack of editing, the Times New Roman.

09-18-11  Trying to beat one's PR for a Taco Bell bill.

09-17-11  Everyday I wake up and look out my window and see the Statue of Liberty, and I cry.

09-16-11  The best part about being an archeologist is squatting down dramatically when making a discovery.

09-15-11   A lot of arguments can be settled with spitting.

09-14-11   I once stopped drinking coffee, but I still was drinking three cups a day.

09-13-11   To become the top fashion guru in the land, you must shout "FASHION" many hundred times a day..

09-12-11   What does the uncle of a monkey say when they are surprised?

09-11-11   We'll iron it out, well, I will iron it out with a tire iron!

09-10-11   All recycled things just end up in a landfill in India.

09-09-11   I replaced Employee of the Month with "Appreciation Gyros" which everyone loves.

09-08-11   Triscuits are gross, and I hate everyone that eats them.

09-07-11  Jesus, you scare me.

09-06-11   It's terrible to go back to your college to find better options in the food court.

09-05-11   I'm not cool, I have no idea what Telluride is.

09-04-11   I will buy a GPS when it has a "Forgotten Cheeto's Bag" option.

09-03-11   I am like the Brett Farve of Sonny's Sentences, but only sexually.

09-02-11   Is a breadwinner an occupation, I qualify.

09-01-11   Without space films synth players would have no work.