09-30-11 Are Chinese Fire drills run the same out there as they are here?
09-29-11 I'm excited about dentures, because in the future, I bet dentures get really advanced.
09-28-11 It was the most delightful doughnut; sprinkles, jelly, as well as boston creme!
09-27-11 I just tried soap for the first time, this stuff is really good.
09-26-11 You ever find sweatshop blood on your socks?
09-25-11 Guac on the shirt, eat the shirt.
09-24-11 I have a talent ruining the resealable part of ziplock bags.
09-23-11 It's taken more teenagers' lives than Adam's Song.
09-22-11 Being miserable is tougher, cooler.
09-21-11 Words, words and a period.
09-20-11 To catch a raccoon you need a pillowcase and a rabies shot.
09-19-11 I've never heard anyone say they hate these sentences, but I know some people do, the improper punctuation, the lack of editing, the Times New Roman.
09-18-11 Trying to beat one's PR for a Taco Bell bill.
09-17-11 Everyday I wake up and look out my window and see the Statue of Liberty, and I cry.
09-16-11 The best part about being an archeologist is squatting down dramatically when making a discovery.
09-15-11 A lot of arguments can be settled with spitting.
09-14-11 I once stopped drinking coffee, but I still was drinking three cups a day.
09-13-11 To become the top fashion guru in the land, you must shout "FASHION" many hundred times a day..
09-12-11 What does the uncle of a monkey say when they are surprised?
09-11-11 We'll iron it out, well, I will iron it out with a tire iron!
09-10-11 All recycled things just end up in a landfill in India.
09-09-11 I replaced Employee of the Month with "Appreciation Gyros" which everyone loves.
09-08-11 Triscuits are gross, and I hate everyone that eats them.
09-07-11 Jesus, you scare me.
09-06-11 It's terrible to go back to your college to find better options in the food court.
09-05-11 I'm not cool, I have no idea what Telluride is.
09-04-11 I will buy a GPS when it has a "Forgotten Cheeto's Bag" option.
09-03-11 I am like the Brett Farve of Sonny's Sentences, but only sexually.
09-02-11 Is a breadwinner an occupation, I qualify.
09-01-11 Without space films synth players would have no work.