12-31-10 Every day I've been doing one hour testicle soaks in Mountain Dew, since I heard about its semen killing ability.
12-30-10 At Christmas, a family friend said, "I like your facebook statuses, they make me think," my last facebook status: I am going to do a shot for every time this is liked before 10PM.
12-29-10 Several people at work voiced their objection when they heard I was in line for a promotion, I could not hear this over my thoughts of how much I will enjoy wittily crushing their will five days a week.
12-28-10 All of my drunk conversations end up with me trying to get someone to open up a joint checking account with me.
12-27-10 My favorite part about the fax machine is that it is taupe colored, and to fax machine technicians, this makes all the difference in the world.
12-26-10 I saw a bunch of people I knew from five years ago; I ran away from my past metaphorically and physically.
12-25-10 I emailed wikileaks for a job, I think it would be pretty cool to work for a company with a website.
12-24-10 Pickup Line: I am the CEO of a company, maybe you've heard of it, Facebook.com.
12-23-10 Every day Amare dunks is the new best day of my life.
12-22-10 If your online university does not have a DJ 101, you are getting ripped off.
12-21-10 Drive until the water is warm.
12-20-10 I only want to get paid more if it means I can do less.
12-19-10 They used to use children in the industrial era, because there small hands could fit inside the machines; we've always had the technology, iPods were just waiting for the hands to get smaller.
12-18-10 I don't know conversational english.
12-17-10 I have so much hate to give.
12-16-10 The year 2020 will have some insanely great titled prescription glasses sales.
12-15-10 The successor to the Eggnog Challenge will be a longer version called Eggnog Ramadan.
12-14-10 Google it, there is no excuse for ignorance.
12-13-10 Brooklyn has an opossum problem, Staten Island has a wild turkey problem.
12-12-10 I am reading a 453 page book on how the Adidas R&D department settled on three stripes.
12-11-10 Hey Ryan what was the name of the catscan model you dated?
12-10-10 How many of those old Christmas songs we all love were sung by racists?
12-9-10 The day comes when a man must look at himself in the mirror and say am I a boston or bavarian creme man.
12-8-10 A documentary called Five Guys Burgers and Lies would probably be on netflix streaming before its DVD release.
12-7-10 The face I make when it looks like I am paying attention should win awards.
12-6-10 I wonder how many times I've been slapped in the face.
12-5-10 All my socks do not match, but they all smell.
12-4-10 Lets make a show called "Soda Steal" where hidden cameras show a man in a black and white striped jumpsuit, stealing your soda at the food court.
12-3-10 I respond to all emails through the US Postal Service.
12-2-10 If I was in charge of the Army I would repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" for "Ice Cream Sundays!
12-1-10 Southern Comfort Vanilla Spiced Eggnog has changed the game forever.