November 2011

November's Daily Dose of Rants

11-30-11  Late to bed, earyly to rise makes a man wealthy.

11-29-11  Eggnog not nutritious? MYTH. A serving of nog has 2% of your daily vitamin C.

11-28-11  Trying to think of something positive to say about nyc rats, because that is the sort of formula I use for these sentences.

11-27-11  Not a smart phone, and constantly on it, that's a drug dealer.

11-26-11  Hope my bag gets checked getting on to the subway, because it is filled with 24 Little Debbie oatmeal cream pies.

11-25-11  The tables coasters weren't nearly as delicious as the dog made them seem.

11-24-11  I assumed Iron Chef was a spinoff of Battle Bots.

11-23-11  Blood and diamonds, two of the most valuable recources on the earth, when combined, say, "I'll love you forever."

11-22-11  I can get behind a movement that stands up for what they believe in through camping.

11-21-11  Trying to communciate with day laborers that I want to know if a fence based on argyle-style patterns is possible.

11-20-11  Accidentally typed "sowwy" instead of "sorry", my hands have an adorable streak to them.

11-19-11  Breaking news: my headphones.

11-18-11  I was not named after my disposition.

11-17-11  Next time I am in a school cafeteria I am going to put cookies on the toaster\conveyor belt.

11-16-11  Is there anything I enjoy more than looking at facebook profiles of people who have gotten fatter? No.

11-15-11  Being on your own is kind of awesome, no safety net, just you and the world

11-14-11  People that do not go to college, never have to hate JSTOR.

11-13-11  Just realized you can hang gym shorts up by slipping a hanger in, then tightening the draw string!

11-12-11  The government should take over countries with better soccer players to make our team less pathetic, Blood for Strikers, write your senator.

11-11-11  I get really excited for the facebook photo I use for all patriotic holidays.

11-10-11  I read these sentences and I ask how did I become so many people's boss?

11-09-11  Classic Burn: She sucked down more semen than cylla and charybdis.

11-08-11   Reading this book the way Ernest Hemingway wrote it; drunk.

11-07-11   Despite an embarrassing amount of attempts, google won't tell me where I can buy a steamboat.

11-06-11   Time Magazine's Villain of the Year, my dad; finish the deck.

11-05-11   Hands down, Time Magazine's Person of the Year has to be my mom for removing a splinter that was in my heal.

11-04-11   Hoping Daylight Savings Time was going to fuck up the NYC Marathon.

11-03-11   If no one wants to drive their car, because they are going to drink, then just rent a car.

11-02-11   Letter written to credit card company asking if I can pay off debt with blood of the wicked: denied.

11-01-11   Being lucky is just as good as a tangible contraceptive.